Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
