Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
