I cockslap morals
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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