And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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