soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
