remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
