so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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