This is not my ceiling
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
