i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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