just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
