Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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