I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
