The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
