how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
