Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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