piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just had sex on a roof
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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