i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
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you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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