God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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