Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
