When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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