Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
