I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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