She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
