so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
