Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
