Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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