just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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