This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
