she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
