the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
