the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
