I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
