Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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