well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
