Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
