it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
