last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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