I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
