the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
