Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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