just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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