I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
don't judge my taste in strippers
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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