I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
