During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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