I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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