Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
