someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
