I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
