sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we made out on top of his cat.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
