I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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