Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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