Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
