I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize