remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
