i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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