if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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