Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
