If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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