I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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