people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
