I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
