So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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