i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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