Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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