fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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