An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
