you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
